Our son, Brice, was stillborn at 29w4d.  Brice’s pregnancy was not uncomplicated; Brice had duodenal atresia, which was going to require surgery soon after birth.  

Brice also had horseshoe kidneys.  We were planning for NICU life while balancing life at home with our daughter.  Death was not on our radar, but A complicated life ahead, and we were in the midst of the COVID-19 pandemic.  

It seemed that with every appointment we went to, more plans were made, and there was peace about what was supposed to happen.  I was very concerned about delivery and what the initial days would look like for our guy, with surgery occurring 2-3 days after he was born.  

And then our world came crashing down.  We went into maternal fetal medicine for our bi-weekly check to monitor him and measure fluid when the ultrasound tech said the words no one is ever prepared to hear, “I’m sorry, I have to get the doctor, I can’t find a heartbeat”.  In that moment, my world stopped.  Praise the Lord, my husband was with me at this appointment.  I can remember hyperventilating, crying, sobbing, not understanding how this could be happening.  The very day my family ordered dessert for my sprinkle later that spring.